If you’ve followed my blog at all you’ve probably gathered that I can be a pretty sensitive and emotional guy. At times throughout my life that has been a source of intense shame and frustration for me. Often I’ve felt like I don’t fit in the world of “real” men. I like music, art and creativity. I’m not that of an great athlete, I don’t like to talk about sports that much and I don’t hunt or fish.
I’ve blogged in the past about how God can use our areas of weakness and for the longest time I have thought that being emotional and sensitive is a huge weakness of mine. But recently I believe God has been challenging me to both broaden my view of what it means to be a man and also to see the version of a man that he has made me to be as a strength.
John Eldredge says ““It is out of your brokenness that you discover what you have to offer. When we begin to offer not merely our gifts but our true selves that is when we become powerful. “
This has definitely been a place of brokenness for me but it is also my “true self.” A former pastor of mine used to say, “God doesn’t make junk.” I’ve often thought that God made a mistake when making me this way and wished he made me more like “normal” guys. But today I’m claiming that I’m not junk and neither are you! God made us the way we are and wants to use all of us, even, or especially our places of brokenness to help others. Continue reading →
I love adventure, experiencing new places, trying new foods, meeting new people, etc., and I’m fortunate to have had many great ones. But as I write this post I’m sitting at a place I’ve been hundreds of times that for all intents and purposes really hasn’t changed much in my lifetime – my family’s beach house.
In a world where everything changes so rapidly and we’re always moving quickly from one thing next, there is something refreshing and reassuring about a place that hasn’t and doesn’t really change that much.
The house was built in the 1940’s by my great-grandfather as a place for his family to relax and get away from it all. It’s been passed down through the generations and my kids are the fifth generation to enjoy it. Both the house and the surrounding area hold a very special place in my heart. I have so many memories there of special times with friends and family, of adventures and times connecting with nature. Continue reading →
I’m a fairly emotional person. Actually, if I’m being really honest, I’m very emotional. I can experience very intense feelings – both good and bad – all in the same day and sometimes even in the same hour. Sometimes that is a good thing because they help me experience positive situations intensely but the flip side is I also experience the negative ones very deeply.
For much of my life I’ve pretty much followed my feelings wherever they took me. Sometimes they have taken me to a good place but more often than not that hasn’t been the case.
My mom used to say that feelings are the caboose, meaning in most situations they are the last thing that should be considered or trusted. I always kind of brushed off that wisdom but in the last couple of years I’ve discovered, as in so many other situations, she was right. While I do believe our emotions are an important and valuable resource in helping us experience life (both the ups and downs), I’ve come to believe that in many situations we cannot trust them, especially the negative ones.
Certainly there are circumstances where our “gut reaction” is right and we need to follow it. Those feelings tend be grounded in reality and can be trusted much more. For example, if you are walking down the street and see an angry dog growling, you will feel scared and be tempted to turn and walk (or run) the other way which is probably the right decision. Continue reading →
A couple of weeks ago I was asked to do a devotional for my office retreat. The theme for the retreat was “rejuvenation” and as I started to think about what to share I wondered, what is the one thing that we need most to refresh and restore ourselves? Almost instantly, the thought hit me, we need to hear from and connect with God.
In our society that is increasingly busy, distracted, stressed and anxious, what could fill us up and get us back on track better than connecting with the creator of the universe, the one who made us and knows exactly what we need?
I think even those who are not Christians would probably admit that a touch from the divine or something bigger than themselves (whether they call it God or not) changes them in a way that nothing else can. Continue reading →
Coming up on July 4th I’ll run my fourth half-marathon. The sense of accomplishment from running that far and accomplishing a challenging goal is incredibly rewarding. But to be honest the process of getting there – the training and large parts of the race itself – can be downright terrible at times.
Last weekend I was scheduled to do one of my longest training runs for this race – 10 miles to be exact. For some people jumping out of bed on a Saturday morning to spend almost two-hours pounding the pavement might sound great but that isn’t usually me. That was the case last week. I wasn’t motivated to run but I knew I needed to if I had any hope of completing the race. So, I dutifully set out telling myself if I just took it slow and focused on one mile at a time I’d eventually make it.
As expected, the first few the first few miles were really tough. My mind was wandering – often thinking about stresses and frustrations in my life – which drained my energy, my body was tired and achy and I felt like I was walking through quicksand.
Then, at about mile five, something strange happened that has occurred several times before on long runs but I mostly forgot about it. After all that time of drudgery and feeling like I was pushing a boulder uphill, out of nowhere I suddenly felt incredible, like I was running on air. My body was comfortable, my mind was calm and I felt like I could keep running forever! Continue reading →
A couple of months ago my son Calum decided he is a skater. This is a kid who would stay inside and play video games all day everyday if we let him so it’s been exciting to see him latch on to an outdoor activity.
We’re fortunate here in Newberg to have an awesome skate park and lately we’ve been heading down there once or twice a week so he can practice. While we were there the other day something strange happened that I won’t soon forget.
As I sat at my usual spot at one of the picnic tables a couple of big pickup trucks tore into the gravel parking lot, rocks flying and music blaring. One of them was even flying a huge confederate flag from the truck bed.
Immediately my judgement and protective meters lit up.
In a semi-rural town like Newberg a scene like this isn’t all that unusual but definitely not expected at the skate park. Sure, skaters can be a rough bunch but these guys would have looked more at home driving their 4×4’s through the mud in the countryside or on a opossum hunt late at night. Continue reading →
Sometimes I think the main journey of my life is learning to be less selfish. It started when I was very young with my siblings. I had to learn to share space, toys, etc. Then I went to college and had roommates. Living with people other than family members posed its own challenges of learning to adjust to different ways of doing things.
When I got married I thought; “Now I’m really learning how to be selfless. Not only do I have a new/permanent roommate, I’m also in love with this person and am learning to balance her needs and wants with my own and sometimes those don’t always line up.”
A couple of years later we had our first child and I realized I had just been scratching the surface of my living selflessly journey all that time. Now we had someone who’s life and very survival depended on us! Being too selfish could literally put his life in jeopardy. Continue reading →
If you’ve read any of my past blog posts you probably know that I’m pretty interested in the subjects of happiness, well-being, and mental health. As I’ve researched these topics over the last few years and reflected on how they play out in my own life I’ve often wondered, “Does God care about this stuff?”
My early images of God were of someone who was rather distant and mostly concerned with me making good choices and not sinning. As a kid who just wanted to do the right thing, I initially accepted Christ because that was what I needed to do to get into heaven and avoid going to hell.
I’m sure these images of God were largely informed by my young mind’s inability to comprehend a bigger reality, but I also think the culture I grew up in often reinforced these beliefs. Fortunately over the years my image of God has changed quite drastically and I really do believe he cares about our happiness, well-being, mental health and lots of other important issues. Continue reading →
If you’re anything like me you have conversations with yourself like this on a weekly if not daily basis.
“I wish I wasn’t so……” Fill in the blanks for whatever it is about yourself that you wish were different. “I wish I wasn’t so stressed, out of shape, overweight, angry, tired, poor, etc.”
You probably have the opposite conversation as well. “I wish I was more…athletic, social, successful, thin, muscular, articulate, positive, etc.” Insert whatever you see in others that you wish you had or were more of.
Most of us spend a lot of time focusing on what we think is wrong with ourselves and not on what is right, on what we don’t have instead of what we do have.
I’m so guilty of this bad habit. The other day I found myself stuck in this negative thought whirlpool when a bible verse that I know well but hadn’t thought of in a while came out of nowhere and hit me right in the forehead.
2 Corinthians 12:9 (NLT) – …… “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.
It reminded me that not only are our weaknesses OK but they are necessary for God to move in our lives. If we had everything together and could handle everything on our own we wouldn’t need him.Continue reading →
Follow your dreams and passion and everything will turn out great!
Work hard and you can have and achieve anything you want!
Do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life!
These are the messages of the American Dream I grew up with. I believed if I could dream it up, someday it would come true and I would live happily ever after. Unfortunately, that isn’t how things have turned out.
In college my career goal was to work in the music business. Up until that point much of my life had revolved around music. It was one of my biggest passions and I figured it was the obvious place to pursue a profession and make my impact on the world. I planned my studies around that goal and even did my senior internship at a company in the music business.
It’s wasn’t for lack of ambition or effort, but after some unexpected twists and turns, that dream quickly derailed and I found myself working at a hardware store just to pay the bills. I couldn’t have been further from where I imagined I would be at that point. As I struggled to come to grips with what to do next I decided I’d spend my nights and weekends applying for a “real job,” hoping to quickly get my life back on track.
After about nine months and tons of applications, I finally got an interview. It wasn’t at a record label, an artist management agency, or some other cool and hip company; it was at the college I graduated from. It was literally the only place that gave me a positive response to my application. Ironically, a year before, there was a similar position available but I didn’t apply for it because working at my Alma Mater didn’t fit into my life goals.
Luckily I got the job. It wasn’t my ideal occupation but it was better than the hardware store. At the time I thought I’d stay there for 3-5 years while I figured out what I was really going to do with my life. That was 14 years ago and I’m still there.
On the surface my story probably sounds pretty depressing. But the truth is most days I’m pretty content and believe I’m right where God wants me to be. Many others I know, whose initial dreams and plans have turned out different, have also found contentment.
Don’t get me wrong, there have definitely been seasons of frustration where I wondered where the heck my life was going and what in the world God was doing. But over time I’ve come to believe that many of the messages I learned when I was young about success and what makes a good life, are not truth. God has a different set of ideals for us.
So, I offer my antidote to the American Dream – lessons and truths I’m learning that help me keep life in perspective and stay more aligned with God’s plans.
Our identity and calling are bigger than our job
The idea that our job is our identity is deeply embedded in American culture. From a very young age we are asked what we want to “be” when we grow up and it almost always refers to our vocation. The message is clear, “what you do for work is who you are.” This is such a limiting definition. It sets us up for serious frustration and disappointment when our job isn’t perfectly fulfilling.
Most of us spend a lot of time at work so, hopefully, we get to use our gifts and strengths and the majority of our time there is enjoyable. But if our job is less than ideal it certainly doesn’t mean that our entire existence is as well. I would argue that there is no perfect job where we’ll be 100% happy all of the time. Certainly there are situations where work is truly horrible and we need to look for something different, but often only a change of perspective is needed to improve our circumstances.
I’m fortunate that my job uses many of my strengths and passions, but I’ve stopped expecting it to be the only place where I experience fulfillment. God can use me in outside of my work as well. God has been redefining and expanding my vision. Calling into existence something much broader that encompasses all areas of life. That change in perspective has been very freeing and has helped me see new opportunities to serve him and to pursue life-giving interests beyond the workplace.
God’s economy is different than ours
In America is seems like success is almost exclusively defined by financial and material wealth, power and status. Not everyone can be at top of the ladder or be the wealthiest, so what does that mean for the rest of us?
Thankfully it is clear in scripture that God sees things very differently. Jesus says that people who are humble like little children are the greatest in his kingdom (Matt 18: 4), that the last will be first (Matt 20: 16) and that whoever wants to become a leader needs to be a servant (Matt 20:26).
There’s nothing wrong with having dreams and ambitions, but I’m learning to consider whether I’m ambitious about building God’s kingdom or my own; whether my dreams are about my own success and prestige or about making Him greater.
God’s time is different than ours
We live in a microwave society and expect immediate results in all areas of life. When our hopes and dreams are not fulfilled in our anticipated timing it can be really disheartening. When I get discouraged, and am tempted to believe that my best opportunities are behind me or that I should have achieved more by now, I’m comforted to remember that God’s time is very different than ours.
Many times in the Bible God’s timing is different than people would have hoped. Fox example, the nation of Israel wandered the desert for 40 years before entering the Promised Land. Abraham was 100 years old when Isaac was born.
Although it can be frustrating to realize that God may not make things happen when we want, stories like these remind me that he doesn’t forget about us. He is always at work, even when we may not see it or believe it.
My job is a great example of this. Had I stuck to the original plan to leave after five years, and not responded to God’s call to stay, I would have missed out on so much. I can see now he has, and still is, using my time here in great ways. He has given me some exciting, fulfilling and unexpected opportunities that I would have missed otherwise.
While it has taken me quite some time to believe these truths, I’m convinced that living counter to the American Dream is better. It certainly isn’t always comfortable, but I believe it leads us to a more fulfilling existence. An existence where we’re more in line with God’s plans and come out making a bigger impact on what matters.